I need a new brain

Who knew that training to be a flight nurse would be so freaking exhausting? I mean, I love to learn, but my gracious!

Report starts at 0800, then daily equipment checks. Yeah, that’s not too hard . . . once you learn the equipment. Because, there’s the cardiac monitor – all three of them. Two, at least, are the same. All three have all these buttons and features and lights that blink at you, then they alarm if you don’t do anything within a specified amount of time. It can be very intimidating.

I pressed the Print button accidentally on the MRL and almost used up all the paper. Oh, yeah. That’s one more thing. One has to remember all the terms and names of the equipment. Like the MRL. What the heck does that stand for? I don’t know. It’s the cardiac monitor/defibrillator we use. Okay. Then, there’s the Propaq. It’s a heart monitor but NOT a defibrillator, so therefore, if we have to use that for any reason, we have to remember to take the Zoll with us. See what I mean? Lots to remember.

Then, there’s the LTV. That is our ventilator. Talk about buttons. And dials. More lights. More alarms. It has this really annoying beep. I’ve heard it in my sleep when I’m having a nightmare. OH MY GOSH!!!! <sigh> . Of course, you have to know stuff like Volume settings, or Pressure settings, PEEP, PIP, VTe, SIMV, TV, FiO2, etc. I am not talking about just knowing what they stand for. I mean, like, what they mean and when to use them and if it’s appropriate to change the settings and, aaaahhh! Yeah, then you have to learn to push the stupid buttons. Then you have to figure out how to configure the tubing and plug the ends to the right holes, then you have the connectors for monitoring stuff like EtCO2. Oh, yeah, there’s a little dial on one side, too, that you have to learn which way to turn. See? More stuff to know.

And then the Minimed. What the heck is a minimimed? Why can’t we simply call it an IV pump? Every nurse knows what that is. Anyway, that is the most annoying piece of equipment ever. That damn Air in Line alarm!!! One night, we accidentally used one of our IV pumps as a basketball. Oops. I wanted to feel bad, but maybe it was the best thing for it. I’m just kidding. Those stupid minimeds! I hate them but, at the same time, I love having an IV pump for all my infusions. <sigh again> Oh well. . .

So, there’s learning all the equipment, then there’s learning aviation-related things, too. You know, I always say this because it’s true. My knowledge of aviation is I know the difference between a helicopter and an airplane; and I mean, by what they look like. Anything else after that, I have no idea. Have you ever looked at the control panel of an airplane? The entire pilot cabin area is full of dials, and gauges, and levers, and buttons, and arrows pointing . . . directions . . . Then there’s the foot pedals. You use them to turn left or right or brake. How confusing is that? If I had to go from flying an airplane to driving my car, I’d get confused and try to turn with my feet while in my car. That’s great! Instant rejection from every car insurance. And the steering wheel (oops, yoke) . . . it goes right or left or up or down . . . yeah, that’s not confusing. . .

Oh, yeah. The levers, too. I have enough trouble remembering B, R, D on my car’s steering wheel. Sometimes, I screw those up, too.

I finally learned to not walk into a propeller. Not that I have, but I probably would have. Thank goodness for the pilots. They’re really good at steering me in the right direction – like away from the propellers. Yeah, those spinny things.

Then there’s the clinical stuff to learn, and protocols, policies, etc. My brain is exhausted. I might have killed all my brain cells.