It IS a mad world

I’ve led my life in a way that I should not regret. At least, I’ve tried to. I’m just like everyone else, in a way. Most of the time, I feel like I would live forever. It is only with my job that I realize that, in one instant, my loved ones may have to find a way to cope with the loss of not having me around anymore. I have thought about my death a few times, though not in the manner in which I would meet it, but the consequences of its aftermath. Though I am glad that I am loved by so many, it is difficult to imagine the amount of sadness and pain that I would leave behind.

We do not often think of our mortality or the fragility of our lives. Most people expect to wake up again the next day and the day after that. Most people do not ponder their deaths. Death – the end of life. It is too scary and unimaginable – the pain of the end of things, the end of accomplishments begun, the unthinkable horror of things undone, of things that would never be.

The young, the strong, the healthy, the determined, the motivated – life continues and unceasingly. This is the way it should be. Rephrasing Gibran, we should seek hours to live, not to kill and so we go on.

Even as we hear of other people dying, the news itself is so distant. It is something that happens, but not to us. When death touches other people, we sympathize in the way a distant, disconnected spectator looks on.

A few days before Christmas, one of the most awesome people I have ever met lost his life. He had the mellowest temperament. Kenji competed professionally in Muay Thai. Even when he was in the ring, he always looked so calm and relaxed like it wasn’t really a fight. His mellow temperament was a paradox to his competitive nature. He laughed easily as well. We matched wit for wit. He was a peacock, but he had every right to be. He took care of himself almost to obsession. He believed in giving back to the world and contributing something positive and helpful to humanity. He gave up professional kickboxing and went to medical school. He was a year shy from graduation.

Having some time off from school for the holidays, he went home to visit with family and friends. At a party, someone challenged him to a fight because he overheard his girlfriend say Kenji was “cute.” So, on to the backyard they go. Kenji would never have hurt him and he didn’t. The guy tried his best to land a hit and he never did. When Kenji noticed the other guy was tired, he took him down. Fight over. All in good fun, so everyone thought. So, back to the party all of them went. Unknown to anyone, the guy seethed underneath. He went home, fetched his gun, returned to the party, walked up casually to Kenji and shot his head from behind.

In the flash of that muzzle, lives have forever changed. What is the sense in that? To attempt to find some rational explanation for what happened is a futile exercise. The same unanswerable question always comes: “why?” It IS a mad world out there. Who knows why people do the things they do.

Gary Jules Lyrics