Dreams of home

It is 3 am. I wake up in the darkness, prop up on my elbows, and look around. Slowly, the outline of the lamp in the corner focuses in the dim light. The square dark features of the television with its dark glass stare back at me. I lay back down. The lazy spinning of the fan blades mesmerize me. I notice how the gentle breeze from the fan is making the blinds of the sliding glass door rhythmically ripple and it reminds me of ocean waves. I watch for a few minutes picturing white foam in my head.

The night is quiet save the chirping of crickets outside. I close my eyes to listen. Minutes later, I hear the gentle fall of rain on the grass outside. There is something so serene about that sound. The soft pattering, a susuration in the air. I let the sounds of the early morning whisper to me. The sounds, I hope, would lull me back to sleep. Listening, I tried to picture ocean waves crashing onto white sand . . .

Instead, images of golden brown stalks in my grandmother's rice fields emerge in the random firing of my brain cells. Slowly, timelessly, I am transported to a past that was so long ago and yet feels like yesterday.

I am sitting on the side of a mountain overlooking fields of rice stalks. They are gravid and are awaiting harvesting. A gentle breeze caresses them and their swaying creates waves of gold. The enchantment that holds me as I watch is enhanced by the susurious sound they make as they dance and touch with the breeze. The sun peaks through the smattering of clouds creating shadows that seem to dance in rhythm with them. The hypnotizing sounds stir something so powerful inside.

I open my eyes and am thrust back in to the darkness of my bedroom. My chest feels heavy. I am filled with the powerful pull of longing. The images I now see are of loved ones so far away. The loneliness of the moment falls heavy on me threatening to crush me with its jaws. I turn on my side and feel the pillow wet with my tears. I close my eyes again and let the darkness envelope me. I hear the rain again.

As I drift off to sleep, I try to think of rainbows and pray for the bright morning rays of sunshine to wake me up and banish the darkness that I now feel.

Comments

[Ruthie]

The YouTube link was suggested to me by my good friend, Sam. Thanks, Sam. I wish I could give you a big hug right now!!!